That's Life

Source: fitsugar.com via Shannon on Pinterest

Today is a day of thinking, a day of observing, a day of contemplation. My life has turned upside down in a matter of days. I have a feeling so deep down inside me that I cannot shake, a feeling of hurt, grief, actually somewhat of loss. While no one I know has died, in a way they have. I have lost a friend. My life is pretty great, I have a Job, a great family, a great husband and a collection of amazing friends. But it is funny how you can have no idea how someone thinks of you and your life until they decide to voice it to you. You can usually get an idea, a comment there, a look here. But, really you cannot be sure until they voice it to you. 

This weekend, a friend of mine voiced how much they dislike me and my relationship with my husband and family. They voiced that I am "not perfect" and that they do not like the person I am. While, I have never said I was perfect, actually I have voiced that I am far from it, they must feel as if I am putting it out there that I am, or at least more perfect than they are. But that is not how I feel. I feel as if I live my life for me and for the people I care about, I am not choosey with my words and usually say whatever comes to mind if I think I am in a safe place. But, as I contemplate on the situation, I realize that I am too trusting, I am too open with people before they have truly earned my trust and the right to know my inner workings. I am not trying to say that I need to be more guarded or put up more walls, but more I am saying that I need to be careful who i talk to and who really loves me for who I am. 

I am 25 years old and I cannot say that I don't make mistakes, because I do, a lot. But I can say that I try to be the most caring and loving person I can be. I give up a lot of myself to people in my life and work hard to make their lives happier. So, when I hear some things, i realize, while it was an attack on me, it is also a lesson learned. Not everyone sees the world the same way that I do and not everyone interprets my openness and need to help as a positive. Life is hard, I am just really ready for people to stop trying to make it harder. Realize who you are thankful for and even if it is really hard, maybe let go of those that do not work well in your life. And for those people who don't contribute to joy in my life, I hope you find what you are looking for.